The Story of My Life
At the birth of the world, I floated in the blackness of innocence. A dark, sweet, silent world.
Until one day, a stream of light poured from a corner above, Red flew onto the ground. The ground unshackled itself beneath my fingers, and Green trickled around. Then, Blue stepped out, and wrapped itself gently around me. It was beautiful, I thought, as a growing crackling nausea stemmed from my blackness, I longed for color. I was deeply in love with these colors that were woven into my dark universe, and I often wanted to follow them to a world that would always be colorful.
One day Red and I were walking hand in hand and I said Red, Red, take me with you, Red patted me on the head and skipped away, leaving me with my palms cold and splayed open empty. I went to Green, tugged on her shirt and confessed, Green, I like you, you like me too, don't you? Please, take me with you. Green just gazed at me with her thin eyes, and left me in the echo of her footsteps to reminisce over our shared memories. In the end, I had an intimate dance with Blue. At the end of the song, my fingertips were laced in her hair, but I could not stop her from slipping away like a leaf.
After that, Red, Green and Blue generously extended their beauty as they always do, leaving me to a chaotic universe of color, looking helplessly at the sky above my head and under my feet.
From then on, every so often I would fall into a disorienting urge to sacrifice myself to this mass of color. They tore at me from all sides, scrambling for a mass of me that wasn't me. At those times I would dance barefoot on the melodical strings beneath me, the soles of my feet becoming blood-drenched pentagrams, but it wasn't enough, I dipped them in blood to paint rainbows. Rainbows that blossomed into colorful rays from the icy fountains of overturned poles, the air crackled at the cold as ice prisms shot straight through my heart. In those moments, I was so happy it was like all the forests in the world were swaying their pine needles harmoniously. But I heard Haruki Murakami say, it wasn't enough, it wasn't enough, I had to sing a song that would pierce through the unison of 10,000 trumpets sounding at dawn, cut through this endless chaos until everything comes down to a silent howl, shrill and weak.
These were my last moments with the color universe. Disoriented, bloody, and confused. Deep down, there was a cloud of despair. I realized that no matter how much I danced, chanted poetry, waved my brush, the world I was in seemed unable to see me. I could only look inward, dived down inside myself until I forgot time, and I found a white dot in that deepest, deepest place. This is the origin of the universe, refracting all the light of the world. The white dot is called love.
Love removed the blindfold I had carved into my skin, and from then on, I truly saw the world. It turned out that there never was a dark universe. It turned out that I was my own universe. It turned out that those colors were inside of me, floating and flowing and bursting and eroding me. It turned out that my eyes emit the brightest colors in the world.
The above is the story of me and the colors. The main character is not me, nor the colors. The main character is love.
世界诞生之初，我漂浮在懵懂的黑色里。寂静的，黑暗的，甜美的世界。
直到有一天，头顶上的小角散发出一种奇异的光线，红色从小角里倾泻下来，手边的地面也渐渐开裂，绿色流淌出来，涓涓细流环绕着我，后来，蓝色也在四周显现出来，轻柔地包裹着我。真美啊，我想，为什么我自己却不能是彩色的呢。我痛恨自己空洞的黑，那颜色总让我对自己感到一阵干瘪的作呕。我深深地爱恋着这些交织在我黑暗宇宙里的彩色，我时常想跟随他们，去到一个永远是彩色的世界。
有一天我和红色手牵着手走着，我说红色红色，你带我走吧，红色拍拍我的脑袋，跳跃着跑走了，我的手心一下变得空空的，凉凉的。我去找绿色，揪了揪绿色的衣角说，绿色，我喜欢你，你也喜欢我的对不对，你带我走吧，绿色只是用她纤长的眼看着我，留我在她脚步的回音声中。最后我与蓝色跳了一支旖旎暧昧的舞蹈，曲终我的指尖深深眷恋着她的发丝，也没能阻止她精灵一般溜走。
之后，红色绿色和蓝色还是像往常那样自由自在地将他们的美丽舒展，只有我被留在一片混沌的彩色宇宙，无助地看着头顶脚下的天马行空。
从那以后，每隔一段时间我就会陷入一种迷乱的冲动，想要把自己献祭给这团彩色，他们从四面八方撕扯着我，争抢着一团不是我的我。那时候我就会光着脚在琴弦上跳舞，脚底是鲜血淋漓的五线谱，但是还不够，我又沾着鲜血去画彩虹，彩虹从生锈的钢笔尖里喷涌而出，撕裂干涸的空气，直射我的心脏，那一刻我快乐得像全世界所有的森林一起摇摆着松针，我听见村上春树说，可是还不够，还不够，我还要唱歌，声音刺穿孤岛黎明时响起的一万只小号的齐鸣，划破这无尽的混沌，直到一切的一切都归于一声无声的嚎叫。
这是我与黑暗宇宙最后的时光。迷乱，鲜血，虚无，迷乱。迷乱的根本是一团深深的绝望。我发现无论我如何跳舞，吟诗，挥动我的笔刷，我所处的世界似乎看不到我。我只能向内寻找，寻找一个撬起这一片混沌的支点。我在自己的心里下潜，直到忘记时间的存在，我在那个最深最深的地方，找到了一个白点，那是宇宙的原点，折射世间所有的光芒。白点叫做爱。
爱摘掉我刻进皮肤里的眼罩，从那以后，我才真正看到了世界，原来从来就没有过黑暗宇宙，原来我就是自己的黑暗宇宙。那些颜色在我的体内，漂浮着流淌着爆裂着，侵蚀着我，而我的眼睛散发出世间最明亮的彩色。
以上是我和颜色们的故事，主角不是我，也不是颜色们，主角是爱。）